Cosmic Dyspepsia & Divine Excrement by Thomas Moyihan

“One pauses, and is suddenly struck with a vision: The Earth opens up and seeps fizzy pop. The carbonated fountains of the great deep break open. End-oriented teleoplexic history reveals that the world was created merely to spew forth Pepsi: everything else was merely a means to this end. They call it the π–•π–Šπ–•π–˜π–Žπ–ˆπ–‘π–Žπ–•π–•π–Šπ–—. Pepsi, as cosmic alchemical baseline or sugary-blackened-Nigredo, is the Alpha and the Omega, and all other conceivable β€˜ends’ (human will, desire, values, Promethean ambitions) are merely camouflaged β€˜means’ for the shooting forth of Pepsi from the great internal fountains of the Earth. The springs of terrestrial history weep black liquid sugar. Tears of Pepsi trickle from the empty eye-socket of an anorganic God, a cosmic visage pulled back into sugarrush rictus. This time there is no Noah and no ark. Everything drowns in obsidian sluice. Glucose high; glucose crash. John Milton β€” blind prophet, blind to his own prophecy β€” announces this, our fate, from Anno Domini 1667.”

An essay in seven parts, Thomas Moyihan’s Cosmic Dyspepsia & Divine Excrement is a schizophrenic juxtaposition of the Arnell Group’s Breathtaking: A Design Document for the Pepsi brand (a document of uncertain origin that could be a modern Protocols of the Elders of Zion aimed at the marketing masters of late-stage capitalism), academic critical theory, and a reimagining of Milton’s Paradise Lost as a prophecy of Pepsi.

Not for everyone, but if the text above appeals to you, then it might be worth taking a look at the whole thing.

Part 1 of the 7 part series.

h/t 3:AM Magazine

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