The Basic Problem When two people or groups have different needs, there are two ways to handle it: Merge the resources and divide them based on who needs what Keep resources separate and let each side handle their own needs The second option sounds fair. It sounds like independence and respect for differences. But it … Continue reading The Separation Trap: When “Separate but Equal” Hides Unfairness
Tag: marriage
Peer-Review & Marriage
Nothing Else Matters
Brief Comments on Consensual Hostility
"Once consent becomes the only value by which an individual can assess sex to be good or bad and justify their assessment to their partner or anyone else, all that’s left of seduction is contract negotiation fueled by whatever mix of horniness and loneliness brought the two parties together. There’s an alternative. As Srinivasan herself … Continue reading Brief Comments on Consensual Hostility
Sleeping Together
"Results show that those who shared a bed with a partner most nights reported less severe insomnia, less fatigue, and more time asleep than those who said they never share a bed with a partner. Those sleeping with a partner also fell asleep faster, stayed asleep longer after falling asleep, and had less risk of … Continue reading Sleeping Together
The Referendum
"The Referendum is a phenomenon typical of (but not limited to) midlife, whereby people, increasingly aware of the finiteness of their time in the world, the limitations placed on them by their choices so far, and the narrowing options remaining to them, start judging their peers’ differing choices with reactions ranging from envy to contempt. … Continue reading The Referendum
African Polyandry
"In polyandry, the woman often initiates the relationships, and invites the husbands to join her union. Some pay the bride price, others opt to contribute to her livelihood. She has the power to remove a co-husband if she believes he is destabilising her other relationships.Prof Machoko said love was the main reason the men he … Continue reading African Polyandry
No. 1 Rule: Keep Your Shit to Yourself
"A day before I sent Malcolm the email saying I wanted to break up, I came across a term online: solo polyamory. It described a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. What makes this different from casual dating is that they’re not looking for … Continue reading No. 1 Rule: Keep Your Shit to Yourself
The Crane Wife
"'The Crane Wife' is a story from Japanese folklore. I found a copy in the reserve’s gift shop among the baseball caps and bumper stickers that said GIVE A WHOOP. In the story, there is a crane who tricks a man into thinking she is a woman so she can marry him. She loves him, … Continue reading The Crane Wife
The Theory of Visitors
"She leaned in. 'Do you believe in the theory of visitors?' She said this conspiratorially, as if she was sharing with me a secret. 'What’s that?' I asked. 'All relationships are transient,' she said. 'Friends who stab you in the back. People you network with at a fancy party. Relatives who die. The love of … Continue reading The Theory of Visitors
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