Some People are Toxic Avoid Them

“You can only work for people you like…

Some people are toxic avoid them. This is a subtext [to working for people you like]. There was in the sixties a man named Fritz Perls who was a gestalt therapist. gestalt therapy derives from art history, it proposes you must understand the ‘whole’ before you can understand the details. What you have to look at is the entire culture, the entire family and community and so on. Perls proposed that in all relationships people could be either toxic or nourishing towards one another. It is not necessarily true that the same person will be toxic or nourishing in every relationship, but the combination of any two people in a relationship produces toxic or nourishing consequences. And the important thing that I can tell you is that there is a test to determine whether someone is toxic or nourishing in your relationship with them. Here is the test: You have spent some time with this person, either you have a drink or go for dinner or you go to a ball game. it doesn’t matter very much but at the end of that time you observe whether you are more energized or less energized. Whether you are tired or whether you are exhilarated. if you are more tired then you have been poisoned. if you have more energy you have been nourished. The test is almost infallible and i suggest that you use it for the rest of your life.”

-Milton Glaser, “Ten Things I’ve Learned.” Milton

See also Hoodoos, Sucking Black Holes, Psychic Vampires, and The Unhappy & The Unlucky. The lesson in all of these is to be very careful about who you spend your time with.

A Pragmatic Approach To Thorny People Problems

“I once heard that “Eighty percent of what most children hear is no or some variation thereof (stop, quit, etc).” Children need parental attention. They require it for their very survival and it’s an important part of their socialization process, but most people get far more negative attention in childhood than positive.”

-Doreen Traylor, “A Pragmatic Approach To Thorny People Problems.” Date not specified.

This illustrates the notion of “no response”. You do not pay attention to problem behaviors. You ignore them. You focus, instead, on what you want to see more of. This is operational conditioning 101. Read my summary of Don’t Shoot the Karen Pryor. Better yet, read it yourself.