"Once consent becomes the only value by which an individual can assess sex to be good or bad and justify their assessment to their partner or anyone else, all that’s left of seduction is contract negotiation fueled by whatever mix of horniness and loneliness brought the two parties together. There’s an alternative. As Srinivasan herself … Continue reading Brief Comments on Consensual Hostility
Tag: love
For the Love of Reading
"Today, children are being introduced to books and stories one paragraph at a time. They might be reading something as wonderful as Peggy Parish's Amelia Bedelia, but when you have to stop and answer questions, in detail, often word-for-word, about random paragraphs, there's no way you can learn to care about the characters or the … Continue reading For the Love of Reading
You Can’t Tell People Anything
Over the last few years, I've come to a fundamental belief: you cannot tell people anything. Coming to a new belief means you need all the infrastructure for that belief, and it generally means giving up other beliefs. It's rare for people to do that without a lot of preparation, and in most instances, the … Continue reading You Can’t Tell People Anything
The Five Love Languages
According to Gary Chapman, the five love languages are: words of affirmation (compliments) quality time receiving gifts acts of service physical touch This book, "The Five Love Languages," was published 30 years ago. I think it is a good mental model for thinking about relationships, and it probably helps to think of them as a spectrum. It's … Continue reading The Five Love Languages
Love as the Practice of Freedom by bell hooks
"Critically examining these blind spots, I conclude that many of us are motivated to move against domination solely when we feel our self-interest directly threatened. Often, then, the 1onging is not for a collective transformation of society, an end to politics of dominations, but rather simply for an end to what we feel is hurting … Continue reading Love as the Practice of Freedom by bell hooks
No. 1 Rule: Keep Your Shit to Yourself
"A day before I sent Malcolm the email saying I wanted to break up, I came across a term online: solo polyamory. It described a person who is romantically involved with many people but is not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. What makes this different from casual dating is that they’re not looking for … Continue reading No. 1 Rule: Keep Your Shit to Yourself
The 36 Questions That Lead to Love
"If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? ... [Buddhist Enlightenment and the corresponding freedom from suffering, obviously]What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? ... [Not being preoccupied with accomplishments.]When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? ... [Any given month, … Continue reading The 36 Questions That Lead to Love
Celebrating Our Differences
After reading a bit about the Anne Hathaway kerfuffle on limb differences portrayed in The Witches, I find myself of two minds. On one hand, we are all imperfect, a work in progress. When we do something stupid from a perspective we haven't considered, it's good and useful to have our myopic perspective pointed out. … Continue reading Celebrating Our Differences
Two Religions
"There are two religions in the world the religion of being right and the religion of being in love, and you can’t be a member of both at the same time."—Garrett Bucks quoting his pastor in an interview with Anne Helen Petersen, "when you realize you're on the wrong side." Substack. October 22, 2020. Advice … Continue reading Two Religions
Love is a Blank Check
"Sandra Simpson didn’t keep the suffering of the world at a distance. She invited it into her home and made it family...To believe in the power of adoption is to believe that the most profound way to help someone isn’t through large-scale structural change or foreign policy, but by opening up something as intimate as … Continue reading Love is a Blank Check
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