What This Is About

Ever wonder why some relationships feel good and others feel terrible? Or why the same person can be great in one place but awful in another? This guide helps you figure out what’s going on.

The Three Types of Relationships

Think of relationships like a traffic light with three colors:

Red Zone (Bad) – 0-10%

• Someone lies to you or tries to hurt you
• They steal, cheat, or break promises on purpose
• You feel unsafe or scared around them
• What to do: Get away from them. Don’t try to fix it.

Yellow Zone (Messy) – 10-90%

• Most relationships live here
• Sometimes good, sometimes frustrating
• People are moody, make mistakes, or act defensive
• Arguments happen but people aren’t trying to hurt each other
• What to do: Try small improvements. Set boundaries. Be patient.

Green Zone (Great) – 90-100%

• You trust each other
• You can be honest without fear
• You work together to solve problems
• You help each other grow
• What to do: Keep doing what you’re doing. Protect this relationship.

Why Location Matters

Here’s the big secret: where you are changes everything.

Your Personal Relationships

This is just you and one other person. Like your friend, boss, or romantic partner.

Your Community

This is everyone around you – your neighborhood, school, or workplace.

Some communities are mostly trustworthy. People keep promises and help each other.

Other communities have lots of problems. People lie, gossip, or betray each other often.

The Bigger Picture

This is your city, region, or industry. Different places have different “normal” ways of treating people.

The Most Important Rule

If you live in a bad community, even good people will start acting badly.

Example: You have a friend who seems nice (Yellow Zone). But if you live somewhere that punishes honesty, your friend might start lying to protect themselves.

If you live in a good community, relationships get easier.

Example: Same friend in a place where honesty is rewarded will probably be more trustworthy.

How to Use This

Step 1: Look at One Relationship

• Is this person Red, Yellow, or Green Zone with you?
• What specific things do they do that put them there?

Step 2: Look at Your Community

• Do most people around here keep their word?
• What happens when someone tells the truth about a problem?
• Are people generally helpful or suspicious?

Step 3: Adjust Your Plan

• If the person is Red Zone: Get away, no matter what the community is like
• If the person is Yellow Zone in a good community: Try to improve things
• If the person is Yellow Zone in a bad community: Protect yourself first

When to Move vs. When to Stay

Consider moving when:

• Most relationships around you are Red or low Yellow Zone
• Being honest gets you in trouble
• Good people keep leaving
• Your kids are learning bad habits from the environment

You can stay when:

• Most people are decent (middle Yellow Zone or better)
• Problems get solved eventually
• You have some trustworthy relationships
• You can protect yourself from the worst people

Common Mistakes

Mistake 1: Trying to fix Red Zone people

• They will hurt you. Just leave.

Mistake 2: Thinking all messy relationships are bad

• Yellow Zone is normal for humans. We’re all imperfect.

Mistake 3: Ignoring where you live

• A bad environment makes everything harder
• A good environment makes everything easier

Mistake 4: Assuming everywhere else is the same as where you are

• Communities are very different from each other
• Your experience is not everyone’s experience

Quick Daily Use

Morning Question: “What zone is this relationship in today?”

Evening Question: “Is my community helping my relationships or hurting them?”

Big Decision Question: “Would this relationship work better somewhere else?”

Remember

• Most relationships are messy (Yellow Zone) and that’s okay
• Your environment matters as much as the individual person
• You can’t fix people, but you can choose better environments
• Moving to a better community is often worth it
• Trust your gut about Red Zone people – just leave

The Bottom Line

Good relationships need good soil to grow in. If you keep trying to grow flowers in bad dirt, you’ll keep failing. Sometimes you need to find better dirt.

You deserve to be in communities where honesty is safe, promises matter, and people help each other succeed.