argument – cafebedouin.org

Purpose
Sometimes an argument is built on hidden rules or values. “Thinking outside the box” means stepping outside the way the argument is set up so you can see it from a new angle. This can help you find blind spots, unfair rules, or hidden trade-offs.

Quick Example

Them: “Everyone should eat lunch at the same time so the team bonds more.”
You: “What if the managers had to eat on a staggered schedule so they could meet more people one-on-one? Would that help bonding too?” (Flip the Script)
Them: “Hmm, maybe not.”
You: “Or what if the rule was for interns instead of the full team? Would it work the same?” (Change the Cast)
Them: “That’s different…”
You: “What if the main goal was productivity instead of bonding—would the same lunch rule make sense?” (Switch the Goal)

The Three Main Moves

1. Flip the Script (Trigger: Reverse)

What it is: Switch who has the benefit and who has the burden.
Why it helps: Shows if the rule is fair both ways.
Example: If teachers had to wear uniforms instead of students, would it still make sense?
Ask after: “What’s different when the roles are switched?”

2. Change the Cast (Trigger: Swap)

What it is: Keep the same rule, but change who it applies to.
Why it helps: Finds out if the argument only works for certain people or groups.
Example: If part-time workers had to follow the same office rules as full-time staff, would it still be fair?
Ask after: “What’s the real difference between these groups?”

3. Switch the Goal (Trigger: Reframe)

What it is: Look at the same situation but with a different main value in mind.
Why it helps: Shows what we’re really choosing to prioritize.
Example: If the main goal is creativity instead of discipline, would uniforms help or hurt?
Ask after: “Which goal is most important here, and why?”

How to Use This in Conversation

Hear them out — repeat their point back to be sure you understand.
Pick one move — flip the script, change the cast, or switch the goal.
Give your short reframe — 1–2 sentences is enough.
Ask the follow-up question — this keeps it a real discussion, not a “gotcha.”

Tips

Use examples from neutral areas (sports, games, cooking) so people focus on the idea, not their feelings.
Say what you’re doing: “Let’s flip the roles for a second…”
Be ready to come back into their frame after—you’re not running away from the topic, you’re stress-testing it.

“‘I don’t believe in argument,” he said…
…’You don’t?’ Erens said, genuinely surprised. ‘Shit, and I thought I was the cynical one.”
‘It’s not cynicism,’ he said flatly. ‘I just think people overvalue argument because they like to hear themselves talk.’
‘Oh well, thank you.’
‘It’s comforting, I suppose.’ … ‘Most people are not prepared to have their minds changed,’ he said. ‘And I think they know that in their hearts that other people are the same, and one of the reasons that people become angry when they argue is that they realize just that, as they trot out their excuses.’
‘Excuses, eh? Well, if this ain’t cynicism, what is?’ Erens snorted.
‘Yes, excuses,’ he said, with what Erens thought might just have been a trace of bitterness. ‘I strongly suspect the things people believe in are usually just what they instinctively feel is right; the excuses, the justifications, the things you’re supposed to argue about, come later. They’re the least important part of belief. That’s why you can destroy them, win an argument, prove the other person wrong, and still they believe what they did in the first place.’ He looked at Erens. ‘You’ve attacked the wrong thing.’
‘So what do you suggest one does, Professor, if one is not to indulge in this futile … arguing stuff?’
‘Agree to disagree,’ he said. ‘Or fight.’
‘Fight?‘
He shrugged. ‘What else is left?’
‘Negotiate?’
‘Negotiation is a way to come to a conclusion; it’s the type of conclusion I’m talking about.’
‘Which basically is to disagree or fight?’
‘If it comes to it.’
-Iain M. Banks, Use of Weapons. London: Orbit, 2008.

Tag: argument

Thinking Outside the Box