Judgmental About Your Drink Order

“The secret truth of the martini is that ordering it up is for dorks. Order that shit on the rocks and have your goddamn drink without having to balance it on a pancake. I’m sure there are people who think they look more sophisticated drinking martini glass drinks, but they’re wrong. Almost spilling your drink at all times isn’t sophisticated by any metric I’ve ever been hipped to. You are vastly more sophisticated knowing what you don’t have to do and doing what works for you. this is the lesson of the day, apparently.”

-Brendan Kelly, “Sir, a drink please….Bad Sandwich Chronicles. February 19, 2021

Enjoyed this judgmental rant. I haven’t had half the drinks on the list, but I kind of want to collect the whole set. As an up martini drinker, the only response I can make is that if it has ice (or worse, vodka), it isn’t a martini. If that means you either need a little balance or have a little spillage, such is life.

Also, daiquiris are fine. You can drink four daiquiris. If you are in Chicago, space them out with a little Malört, and shift the whole thing into weird territory.

2 thoughts on “Judgmental About Your Drink Order

  1. Curious rant. Can’t really abide waiters and bartenders with standards so arcane and inscrutable.The detail about martinis down confounds me. I didn’t make up the recommendations about which glass to serve a particular drink in, but with those guides out there, there’s some satisfaction in knowing and following them. Sorta like when, where, and how to wear cowboy boots.

    I have two go-to martinis: (1) a dirty vodka martini with two almond-stuffed olives and (2) a purple heart. The former I put in a regular martini glass and rarely spill; the latter I put in a squat champagne glass (not a flute). Why not drink out of a red Solo cup or a Dixie cup? Well, I’m sure the bartenders all have their asshole opinions.

    1. I think to appeal of this blog is the Hunter S. Thompson style exaggerateddescriptions and the asshole opinions. It made me laugh, largely because it’s ridiculous.

      Never had a purple heart. I’ll try that next time I’m out.

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