Thanksgiving Double Stock

“…I prefer to make what is known as a double stockโ€”in culinary-school terms, a fortified stock, or, Frenchily, aย consommรฉ, which classically refers to a clarification of the broth, and perhaps also the meat of more than one species. Whatever name you assign to it, the preparation can be summed up like this: when making stock, use stock as a base instead of water. The result is the most magnificently rich liquid, a concentrated essence of the sort that makes people sink, at first slurp, into a sighing surrender.”

-Helen Rosner, “Thanksgiving Double Stock.” The New Yorker. November 11, 2018.

Garbage Day

“I ๐Ÿ‘ actually ๐Ÿ˜ณ decided ๐Ÿ‘ฏ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ go ๐Ÿƒ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ Thanksgiving ๐Ÿ dinner ๐ŸŸ this ๐Ÿ‘ˆ year ๐ŸŽ‰ in ๐Ÿ‘ my ๐Ÿ‘จ fursuit. When ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ walked ๐Ÿšถ in ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ door ๐Ÿšช my ๐Ÿ‘จ step ๐Ÿ‘ž daddy ๐Ÿ‘จ gave ๐ŸŽ me ๐Ÿ˜ญ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ weird look ๐Ÿ‘€ but ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ ignored ๐Ÿ˜’ him. ๐Ÿ‘ด Then ๐Ÿ˜ฎ my ๐Ÿ‘จ stupid ๐Ÿ’ฉ step-cousin started ๐Ÿ’ข laughing ๐Ÿ˜… that ๐Ÿ˜ I ๐Ÿ‘ was ๐Ÿ‘ wearing ๐Ÿ‘™ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ diaper ๐Ÿ’ฉ over ๐Ÿ‘ my ๐Ÿ‘จ suit and ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ screamed ๐Ÿ˜ซ at ๐Ÿ† him ๐Ÿ‘ด that ๐Ÿ˜ he ๐Ÿ‘จ was ๐Ÿ‘ being ๐Ÿ˜‘ furryphobic as ๐Ÿ‘ fuck ๐Ÿ† towards me ๐Ÿ˜ญ , and ๐Ÿ‘ that ๐Ÿ˜ I ๐Ÿ‘ identify ๐Ÿ”ฌ as ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ crinkler both ๐ŸŒœ in ๐Ÿ‘ body ๐Ÿ’ƒ and ๐Ÿ‘ in ๐Ÿ‘ pronoun. So ๐Ÿ’ฏ anyway ๐Ÿ”› when ๐Ÿ‘ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ started ๐Ÿ’ข serving the ๐Ÿ‘ Turkey ๐Ÿ— every ๐Ÿ‘ person ๐Ÿšซ who ๐Ÿ˜‚ took ๐Ÿ‘ซ the ๐Ÿ‘ meat ๐Ÿ† I ๐Ÿ‘ whispered ๐Ÿ˜ฎ “You’re ๐Ÿ‘‰ dead” under ๐Ÿ˜ก my ๐Ÿ‘จ breath ๐Ÿ˜ท as ๐Ÿ‘ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ didn’t ๐Ÿšซ recognize ๐ŸŒš the ๐Ÿ‘ sacrific of ๐Ÿ’ฆ the ๐Ÿ‘ 6 ๐Ÿ•• million ๐Ÿ˜‚ Algonkin Indians ๐Ÿ’ฉ who ๐Ÿ˜‚ died ๐Ÿ’€ so ๐Ÿ’ฏ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ can ๐Ÿ’ฆ eat ๐Ÿ‘‰ that ๐Ÿ˜ meat. ๐Ÿ† When ๐Ÿ‘ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ were ๐Ÿ‘ถ about ๐Ÿ’ฆ to ๐Ÿ’ฆ eat ๐Ÿ‘‰ I ๐Ÿ‘ started ๐Ÿ’ข making ๐Ÿ‘ง my ๐Ÿ‘จ best ๐Ÿ‘Œ Rick Sanchez impersonations but ๐Ÿ‘ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ didn’t ๐Ÿšซ get ๐Ÿ”Ÿ it ๐Ÿ’ฏ due to ๐Ÿ’ฆ them ๐Ÿ’ฆ being ๐Ÿ˜‘ ignorant ๐Ÿ˜‚ as ๐Ÿ‘ fuck. ๐Ÿ† Finally ๐Ÿ™ when ๐Ÿ‘ they ๐Ÿ‘ฅ started ๐Ÿ’ข talking ๐Ÿ—ฃ about ๐Ÿ’ฆ how ๐Ÿ’ฏ my ๐Ÿ‘จ step-cousin got ๐Ÿธ his ๐Ÿ’ฆ first ๐Ÿ‘† job ๐Ÿ˜• I ๐Ÿ‘ laughed ๐Ÿ˜‚ that ๐Ÿ˜ he ๐Ÿ‘จ was ๐Ÿ‘ some ๐Ÿ‘จ wage-cuck and ๐Ÿ‘ that ๐Ÿ˜ when ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ communist ๐Ÿ˜ˆ revolution ๐Ÿ’ฅ comes ๐Ÿ’ฆ he ๐Ÿ‘จ will ๐Ÿ‘ be ๐Ÿ sorry. ๐Ÿ’” Suddenly my ๐Ÿ‘จ step ๐Ÿ‘ž daddies ๐Ÿ‘จ dad ๐Ÿ‘ด bursts into ๐Ÿ‘‰ anger ๐Ÿ˜ก and ๐Ÿ‘ he ๐Ÿ‘จ started ๐Ÿ’ข calling ๐Ÿ“ฒ me ๐Ÿ˜ญ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ freak ๐Ÿ˜ˆ and ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ just ๐Ÿ‘ picked up ๐Ÿ”บ the ๐Ÿ‘ mash potatoes and ๐Ÿ‘ threw it ๐Ÿ’ฏ in ๐Ÿ‘ his ๐Ÿ’ฆ face ๐Ÿ˜€ and ๐Ÿ‘ scream ๐Ÿ˜ฑ “Bash the ๐Ÿ‘ Fash”. I ๐Ÿ‘ was ๐Ÿ‘ then ๐Ÿ˜ฎ put ๐Ÿ˜ in ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ headlock but ๐Ÿ‘ my ๐Ÿ‘จ fursuit protected me ๐Ÿ˜ญ because ๐Ÿ’ the ๐Ÿ‘ mouth ๐Ÿ’‹ piece ๐Ÿ— is ๐Ÿ’ฆ operated with ๐Ÿ‘ my ๐Ÿ‘จ hand. ๐Ÿ‘‹ So ๐Ÿ’ฏ I ๐Ÿ‘ was ๐Ÿ‘ able ๐Ÿ’ช to ๐Ÿ’ฆ flee like ๐Ÿ’– in ๐Ÿ‘ my ๐Ÿ‘จ favorite ๐Ÿ“‘ episode of ๐Ÿ’ฆ Ricky and ๐Ÿ‘ Morty. ๐Ÿ‘ I ๐Ÿ‘ hid in ๐Ÿ‘ the ๐Ÿ‘ bushes and ๐Ÿ‘ when ๐Ÿ‘ he ๐Ÿ‘จ was ๐Ÿ‘ being ๐Ÿ˜‘ wheeled away ๐Ÿ˜ by ๐Ÿ˜ˆ the ๐Ÿ‘ paramedics I ๐Ÿ‘ cheered as ๐Ÿ‘ he ๐Ÿ‘จ was ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ WW2 vet so ๐Ÿ’ฏ that’s ๐Ÿ˜ฆ like ๐Ÿ’– a ๐Ÿ‘Œ 50% ๐Ÿ‘Œ chance ๐Ÿšซ he ๐Ÿ‘จ was ๐Ÿ‘ a ๐Ÿ‘Œ nazi. ๐Ÿ™…

โ€”yayayamie quoted in Ryan Broderick, “tfw your parents find your Thanksgiving homemade fleshlight.” Garbage Day. November 29, 2019.

Garbage Day is a once a week dose of artisanal Internet garbage for people who aren’t looking for click trauma. Still not something for work, people raging at the world for going downhill, or the innocent.

Thanksgiving Olive Sourdough Cheese Bread

Basic olive bread recipe baked in the Kubaneh style (see a typical Kubaneh bread recipe) with grated Asiago cheese on top. It looks nice, but I’m not sure I’d recommend this bread.

Ingredients

  • 3 & 3/4 cups of all-purpose flour
  • 2 teaspoons of salt
  • 1 & 1/3 cups of whole milk
  • 2 tablespoons of butter
  • 3 tablespoons of honey
  • 1 envelope of yeast
  • 1-2 cups of olives, halved with pits removed
  • 1 cup (or more) cheese (anything you can grate)
  • 1 head of roasted garlic

Preparation

  1. Roast garlic by removing outer paper and leaving paper around each clove. Put head in an oven safe container, sprinkle sea salt and olive oil, and cover with aluminum foil. Bake at 425 degrees for 1 hour. Take 30 minutes to prep olives and cheese. When garlic is done, squeeze garlic paste into bowl to add to flour.
  2. Mix milk, butter and honey and cook on medium-low heat until mixture reaches 110 degrees.
  3. Add yeast and wait 10 minutes.
  4. Put flour and salt into a large bowl.
  5. Fold in milk, butter and honey mixture – by hand or electric mixer.
  6. Fold in olives, cheese and garlic – by hand or electric mixer.
  7. Dough should be sticky but not stick to your hands if you touch it, if it sticks to your hands add a teaspoon of flour and work in until it stops.
  8. Cover dough with plastic and let rise in relatively warm location,
    at least 2 hours but preferably more (up to 36 hours).
  9. Before rolling dough, boil 6 cups or more of water in a kettle and
    preheat oven to 350 degrees.
  10. Scoop dough from bowl, roll it out until it is 8 inches by 8
    inches, then roll it into a log.
  11. Press and smooth seam so that dough looks like one whole piece.
  12. Grease bread pan with butter.
  13. Place loaf in loaf pan.
  14. Pour boiling water into long glass pan, place on bottom rack in
    oven and wait 10 minutes for oven to get humid.
  15. Place loaf pan above water and bake at 350 degrees for 45-55 minutes.
  16. Remove from oven when bread’s internal temperature is above 190
    degrees (use a thermometer from the side to the center of the bread).
  17. Remove from oven when done and let cool for 15 minutes.

Kubaneh-style

  1. Two hours before going to sleep for the night, start preparing the bread.
  2. Separate dough into pieces small enough to fit in your hand.
  3. Roll each out with a rolling pin, make into a log, then roll out again in the opposite direction, creating a 4″ wide, +12″ long strip.
  4. Roll strip that into a 4″ round loaf, seal the seam, and place in a Dutch oven, squashing down the top. Fill up Dutch oven leaving room in between each so they can expand.
  5. Brush the top of the bread with olive oil.
  6. Grate cheese over the top of the loaf.
  7. Let sit for an hour or two for dough to rise again.
  8. Before bed, turn the oven on to 200 degrees, and let cook overnight.
  9. Loaf is done when internal temperature is above 190 degrees.