If she’s amazing, / she won’t be easy. / If she’s easy, / she won’t be amazing.
If she’s worth it, / you won’t give up. / If you give up, / you’re not worthy.
Truth is / everybody is going / to hurt you, / you just gotta / find the ones / worth suffering for.
“‘I wish someone had told me when I was much younger that I didn’t have to have an airtight legal case for a breakup — all I had to have was a desire to no longer be in that relationship,’ she writes. ‘I would have saved myself a lot of time.'”
—Kelli María Korducki. “Leaving a Good Man Is Hard To Do.” Longreads.com. May 2018.
The test of every ethical choice is whether you’d want to be on the receiving end of it. Personally, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who no longer wanted to be in a relationship with me. So, I tend to think it is good advice.
But, at the same time, it would be real easy to use this way of thinking to cut and run every time a relationship gets hard, and every relationship worth having is going to get hard.
Joan Didion might have put it better in her essay on Self-Respect:
“…anything worth having has its price. People who respect themselves are willing to accept the risk that the Indians will be hostile, that the venture will go bankrupt, that the liaison may not turn out to be one in which every day is a holiday because you’re married to me.”
Suggestions for improving forecasting and communication about it:
- Use probabilities instead of words to avoid misinterpretation
- Use structured approaches to set probabilities
- Seek feedback to improve your forecasting
—Andrew Mauboussin and Michael J. Mauboussin. “If You Say Something Is “Likely,” How Likely Do People Think It Is?” Harvard Business Review. July 3, 2018.
Sites like Good Judgment can be a useful exercise in making predictions and getting feedback on the results.
To really read any discursive text, whether a philosophical tract or a legal contract, is a disturbing and cognitively disorienting experience, because it means allowing another person’s thoughts to intrude into your own and rearrange your beliefs and assumptions — often not in ways to which you would consent if warned in advance. Even when you deliberately decide to learn something new by reading, you put yourself, your thoughts and your most cherished suppositions in the hands of the author and trust her or him not to reorganize your mind so thoroughly that you no longer recognize where or who you are. It’s very scary; hard, painstaking work of determined concentration under the best of circumstances. So particularly with philosophical texts, the whole point of which is to reorganize your thinking, people often don’t really read them at all; they merely take a mental snapshot of the passage that enables them to form a Gestalt impression of its content, without scrutinizing it too closely.”
—Adrian Piper. Interview with Lauren O’Neill-Butler. “Adrian Piper Speaks! (for Herself).” The New York Times. July 5, 2018.
Excellent interview throughout. For this part, I think you could extend the point to any kind of lived experience. Authentic experience is breaking from the automatic, the prejudicial mental models that we have created to navigate the world and experiencing the world in a way that might fundamentally change us rather than limiting our vision to our existing worldview that renders anything outside of it invisible.